


Sometimes (A Letter I'll Never Send)

by BlackenedGraciousness



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Pretending Killian doesn't exist, This is in letter format, and first person, hope you enjoy anyway!!, i wrote this years ago and am too lazy to fix it, little angsty, this has way too many commas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 07:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15576504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackenedGraciousness/pseuds/BlackenedGraciousness
Summary: Emma, seeing Robin and Regina together, writes a letter expressing her feelings for the former Queen. Pretending Killian isn't a thing.





	Sometimes (A Letter I'll Never Send)

Dear Regina,

Sometimes I think back to when we met, you were-are- a confident Mayor, always in control, everything happened just how you wanted.

Sometimes that alone makes me wonder if you meant to leave me in the dust. I don't mean to make you feel guilty, I just wonder, if maybe, we could have had something. We were, and hopefully still can be, best friends. We know each other's deepest secrets and fears, or at least you know mine. You always had a way of getting me to open up to you, and you still hold a piece of my heart.

Sometimes I think of how sad you seem. You've always been independent, and I know you don't need a significant other to be happy. You told me that. I used to think we could be together, not as one, but as two seperate entities, strong and independent in our own ways, but stronger together. Not to need the other, but to want them.

Sometimes I think saying you seem sad is wishful thinking. I know you have Robin, and you say he makes you happy. That's all I want for you, for you to be happy.

Sometimes I drive myself mad, wondering if you're actually happy, or if you pretend because Robin is your pre-determined soulmate. I tell myself it's wishful thinking, that Robin isn't Killian, that he'd never hurt you.

But sometimes I wonder...you've always had a knack for determining what you think you deserve, and it's always less than what you actually deserve. Not that I'm anything special, I often tell myself that if you're too good for Robin, where does that put me? I'm certainly not better than him, he treats you no better than I could. I wish I could be enough to make you happy, I do. All I know is that you make me happy, you always make me smile. But that's no basis for a relationship.

I could go on and on about everything I love about you, your smile, the way your eyes light up when your excited, or when you have a brilliant idea. I love your snarky comments and ever flowing sass. I love it when you tease me, even though I pretend to hate it. I love your outfits, and how you always look perfect. You don't need to, of course, but it's just a part of you. You have to be perfect. I will tell you though, that your imperfections are my favorite. Your darkness, your baggage, that little scar above your lip. I'm smiling just thinking about it. Of course I wish you didn't have to go through all that you did, that I could take away the pain, but you wouldn't be the woman you are today without it, the woman I've come to love.

I feel awkward about that, saying I love you, but I do. There's no other explaination for my feelings. I love you, Regina Mills, and I always will. And that...that is something you must never know. I want to take this journey through life with you, and if only as a friend, so be it.

This letter is among many I'll never give to you, I'm too embarrassed. Maybe someday, when we've gotten past this, and you're happily married to Robin, we can laugh over it, and it won't bother me at all. But until that day, if it ever comes, this is just me, pouring out my feelings, just to get them out. This is the one thing I can't talk to you about, because you're the only one I feel comfortable talking to.

Sometimes you just have to go where life takes you. Sometimes you sacrifice your desires for someone else. I'm proud that I care for you enough to sacrifice my desires for yours. 

So for now, goodbye, and I love you.

Emma xx


End file.
